Alright well my brother has left for the Navy and I am really proud of him. Truly I am but it doesn't seem like I care as much as I should.

Mom, grandma, even grandpa and dad! They all were crying today because he called and talked to everyone. I was the only one that didn't cry.

I love my brother with all my heart! Trufully if he would die I know I would cry! I would miss him very much! My brother is awesome even if there is about four years difrence in our ages! But I don't cry when he writes or when he called. I don't tear up at the thought of him not here. He's about four states away and I just feel like I don't care enough.

It's not like I can force myself to care! I'm just worried that I'm a horrible sister. Like I wrote to him once in the three weeks that he has been gone. That's all that I think I need to for now becaues mom writes every other day, grandma writes twice a week, and his girlfriend writes at least once a week. Between all that just adding me into the mix seems too extreme and completely unnessisary.

I guess the reason I'm not too worried about him is because he's only four states away, we could take a plane to see him, we can write, and he is in bootcamp so it's not like he's in a war or anything. I mean he's safe and all becuase they won't kill him or anything.

I just feel that I don't love him enough and I feel bad for it. The letter that I did send didn't really say much. It was like half a page and just said that everyone missed him and we were proud of him. I don't really know what else to say. I think that if I wrote him another one it would be even shorter. I mean what am I suppose to say?

I did say I loved him but he already knows that. Doesn't he?

I would really like it if some one told me if I'm a bad person for this or not....I mean I think I am but I don't want to create some false letter full of meaningless words. I just refuse to lie to my brother like that! It's wrong and I don't want to feel bad latter.


ROAK = Random Acts Of Kindness

I try to do random acts fo kindness but they backfire and only get me in trouble. I don't really know what I can do with peole thinking I'm stalking them or something.

If anybody has any ideas please send me a message about it! Like I don't have any homeless people around where I live so I can't do anything with them and most people around me are stuck up (not being mean but trufully if you try and do somthing they critize your every movement making it extremely hard to do RAOK because then they make fun of you [which already happens now] or they tell the teachers your harassing them)